Thursday, January 31, 2013

Old Midriffs

Mariah maybe leaving her home in Tribeca, but I can smell the desperation in Tampa. Mimi you are too old for this. Just because you can fit into that shirt, doesn't mean you should wear it. And where are you going? I do believe its still January. You are better than this Mimi!

Check Yo Self Karl!

Karl Lagerfeld has the nerve to talk about our First Lady's hair. “Frankly, this doesn’t suit her. The fringe was a bad idea, it’s not good.” When was the last time he looked in a mirror? He needs to know that white ponytail ain't hot. You maybe a fashion genius, but you have no business talking about anyones hair.  

Smooth Criminal

This is for my Big Girls. Gather round y'all, move in close and sit Indian style if you must.Today we are going to discuss Smoothers.

Ain't nothing worst than seeing 240lbs yammed into a 200lb bag. Meaning, I'm tired of seeing y'all big asses in little clothes! Looking like lumpy mash potatoes.

Ain't nothing wrong with a little Lycra on them thighs, belly and back. I wear the Squeem Body Shaper. You can buy them at Ashley Stewart's for $75. Sizes start at 1X and go to 5X. You will have to go inside the store to get fitted. My roommate calls it my tire...Lol. Shapers give my body that nice hourglass shape. It hurts like hell! I'm not going to lie and is the most uncomfortable piece of clothing I own, but I wear it faithfully!

Next, I put on Spanx. Good old faithful Spanx! I purposely buy my Spanxs too small. I think they work better in a smaller size. I put the Spanx over the Squeem Body Shaper for a little extra smoothness. Why you ask?  No stomach roll, no back roll and you have the perfect shape. Now this little tip is free, I'm charging for the next one.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Beyonce and Them

Sooo rumor has it there was going to be a Beyonce and them, oops I mean Destiny's Child reunion at the Super Bowl. But that has been canceled. Hmmm, did Queen Goddess of the Stars, Beyonce stop this or was it something the ladies came up with collectively? Well we all know Michelle's lame ass ain't got nothing to do but sit home and eat cheese. What about Ms. Kelly? Well she does have that new single out. Which goes to my next question, Is Kelly Rowland still trying? Why? Just take your European fame,  marry a professional athlete and live your life. I doubt if you'll ever be Beyonce hot in the US. Not everyone is meant to be Diana Ross, someone has to be Mary Wilson.

Top Boy Trailer

While looking for something to watch on Netflix, I stumbled upon this little British Gem called Top Boy. To me Top Boy is the British version of The Wire.

Bell Biv DeVoe - When Will I See You Smile Again?

Monday, January 28, 2013

V Day Love - $25 VS Gift Card Giveaway

Remember that post about how much I love Valentine's Day? Well I think its time to share that love. I'm giving away one $25 Victoria's Secret gift card to one of my Smart-Ass Mouthers.

SO HERE’S HOW YOU ENTER (You must do all three to win!) 

  1. You must subscribe to My Smart-Ass Mouth by clicking the “Join this site” button to the right of this post. 
  2. You must “like” My Smart-Ass Mouth on Facebook by clicking HERE 
  3. You must leave a comment below letting me know you followed the site and liked our FB page.
I will choose 1 lucky subscriber at random on February 14th. The winner must come from the lower 48 states. You must follow all rules to qualify. The giveaway ends February 14th at 12:00 PM EST. I will email the winner on February 14th. Good Luck!

This Promotion Has Ended!

For the Fellas

 I just came across this great Spring fashion trends article by Men's Health while watching RHOA. I had to share this with everyone. The article features five Spring trends for men.

1. Military

2. Bold Accessories

3. Stripes

4. Primary Colors

5. Athletic Pieces

Mens Health Article - Style Trends for Spring 2013

Another Day Older

So I just celebrated another birthday and things are becoming clear to me, life does get easier as you get older. But I still have my fears. My worst fear, besides waking up in a room full of Mexicans with British accents braiding my hair, is getting old. Well looking old I should say. I want to always look pretty. I want to always have my bright smile and smooth chocolate skin. I want to always look well rested. I look at some of the ladies I went to school with, who are now mom's and... Umm yea.. Does being a mom mean I no longer comb my hair or wear makeup? Did the baby also suck away your sense of style along with your eyesight? Cause I know you see the fit of that pant is all wrong. That scares me! But not enough to not want a baby. A bouncing cooing bubble baby. So will 2013 be the year of the baby for me?

Cheap Looks With An Expensive Smile - BDay Edition

My birthday looks were simple and affordable. 

Day Look
Skirt- Calvin Klein - Dillard's outlet - $30
Shirt- Is actually a fly away cardigan that I wrapped around my body and tied in the back to make a shirt. Marshall's - $12
Belt- Calvin Klein, came with a dress

Hair and Makeup
Hair - Flexi Rods - When my hair dried, I pinned the curls back off my face.
Makeup - I did a very simple face. Pink cheeks, gold eyes and pink lips.

Night Look
 Tank Top  - Old Navy - $10
Striped Blazer - Macy's - $10
Jeggings - Ross - $10

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Russell Westbrook

Russell Westbrook arrived at the Staple Center wearing this today:

I'm all for men expressing themselves with fashion but Russell Westbrook has gone too damn far. Brotha what are you wearing? Who told you that shirt was hot? I need to know. You need to fire anyone that's on your payroll and let you go out in public wearing this ensemble. I'm so blinded by the shirt I can't even talk about the man purse.

Get Evelyn's Legs

                         Werk, EV! Liking the legs.

Check out the plus size friendly hosiery I pulled below:

Valentine's Day and Night Dresses

Plus Size

Straight Size

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is 18 days away and I can't wait. I know I should hate the day because its just a silly made up holiday and you should express the love you have for that special person everyday...Blah, Blah, Blah. I agree that you should make everyday special for your lover but what's wrong with having a specific day to go all out. I love it when someone surprises me with flowers, cooks me dinner and gives me gifts. I can also admit that I love when my man sends my balloons and flowers to work. The looks you get while walking through the office with an arm full of teddy bears, balloons and chocolates. THOSE LOOKS GIVE ME LIFE! Now I have spent a few V Day's alone and I still choose to celebrate. I round up my non-bitter single friends, head out to a club and shake something. Valentine's Day does not have to be for couples, use the day to treat yourself. A lot of people I know don't take time to pamper themselves. Working 12 hours a day, raising kids and everyday life can wear you down. Buy yourself some flowers, chocolates and shoes if you don't have someone to gift them to you.

Friday, January 25, 2013

No Love

Does a 15 year old sexually active girl write Keisha Cole's lyrics? Obviously. Her new album is garbage hoodrat music. She makes music for women who wear shoe dazzle shoes and bootleg coach bags. She had me with her first two CDs but miss me with this new music.

Fat Girl Club - Membership Update

I have two membership updates for the Fat Girl Club. We recently lost Khloe Kardashian, she has slimmed down in the last few months. Don't fret, we gained another Kardashian... Rob K. I love it when men embrace their inner fat girl. Welcome to the club Rob!

No Lita

I'm sick of seeing the knock off version of the Jeffery Campbell "Lita" boot! If you can afford an $800 dollar weave, you can afford a $150 dollar boot! Now I know y'all thinking "but Dayna not everyone can afford that". You're right, that's why this post is just for the broads who try and stunt but know they on a budget.

Bitch Please Realness

The Bad Bitch Perfection award goes to Madame Naomi Campbell! Yes, Hunny! She is sitting there giving you two hand fulls of bitch please! I know what y'all thinking. But Dayna her edges are null and void. And to that I say.... So are yours..Pot meet kettle! Do you have edges? No.. Oh ok. She is flawless and you hoes will deal!

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Get Lucy's Look

I don't know who Lucy Hale is but I love this look. Apparently she is on a show called Pretty Little Liars. I don't know when it airs or what channel it comes on.

All the pieces are under $50 and plus size friendly.

Check your Fro

I hate you #teamnatural broads. Walking around with your little fragile ass fro. Some of you don't have the bone structure for that FYI. Looking at me all crazy. Yes, I have a long luxurious ass weave made from the hairs of the finest Brazilian women. I also have side bangs that I'm throwing from side to side. To you hoes, I give pink bubble gum kisses.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Is It That Cold?

Yeezy, it's not that cold outside for you to be walking around looking like a damn fool. You have been given a free pass from everyone with decent taste in music because you're a musical genius. BUT NO MORE! Get it together Kanye! MJ was also a musical genius, and look how he ended up.

BlackBerry 10

I hate you RIM! Launching the BlackBerry 10 after I buy an iPhone. After losing hundreds of BBM contacts and replacing the trackball for the fifth time; I broke done and brought an iPhone. That was one of the worse decisions I've made lately. You iPhone users can be judgmental asses. The glares you give when someone owns a phone that isn't made by Apple. Those glares pressured me into buying a damn space phone. Do you know how much virgin Dominican hair I could have brought with that money?

Here's a techy article that gives you everything you need to know about the BlackBerry 10 release.